


Chickens in Sweaters (And a Whole Other Mess of Crazy Things)

by Forever_Sweet



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Chickens in Sweaters, I take requests, Some cute drabbles, Some heartbreaking drabbles, Tumblr made me do it, just leave a comment with your request.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-28 08:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 15,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2725379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Sweet/pseuds/Forever_Sweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short drabbles and one-shots that sometimes are due to prompts. Or are just due to plain weirdness on my part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chickens In Sweaters

"Dipper! Come check this!"

"Mabel what are you- are those chickens?"

"Aren't they cute, Dipper!?"

"Mabel, why do you have chickens?"

"Soooo~ Don't freak out or anything, but I maybe kind of saw some chickens on the internet with these cute little sweaters."

"So you went out and bought some chickens!? Mabel you already have a pig!"

"But Dipppper! They were so cute and don't they look great in their little sweaters?"

"They do look nice, but that isn't the point! When Grunckle Stan finds out you bought chickens, he'll-he'll....turn them into chicken soup!"

"DIPPER NO! NOT CHICKEN SOUP!"

"Then you better find those chickens a good home before Grunckle Stan wakes up."

"....Bro-bro~!"

"Mabel, no."

"We could just hide them under your clothes and SHAM-ZAM! Grunckle Stan would never know!"

"Mabel, that's a ridiculous plan. Chickens make too much noise and Grunckle Stan would notice if my clothes started making clutching noises."

"Naw, he knows that your clothes get so old they begin to think and move on their own."

"They do what now?"

"Wow, Dipper, and I thought you were supposed to be investigating the mysteries of the town."

"I am! There was nothing in the journal about dirty clothing becoming sentient!"

"Did ya ever think that might be because the author washed their clothes?"

"....Mabel, washing clothes is a waste of time, why would I do it when I could be finding pixies or something?"

"Oooo! Pixies sound cute!"

"Mabel, one of the chickens is sitting in Grunckle Stan's chair and pecking at the remote!"

"Aww! He just wants to watch some TV!"

"Mabel, you have to do something about the chickens."

"Sooooo, we agree that I can keep the chickens then?"

"MABEL!"


	2. Too Many Knick Knacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gravity Falls Prompt! Who knew one wizard could have so many magical knick knacks?"

“Mabel you’ve got to be kidding me right now! How did you already lose the cursed amulet that Bill gave me?” Dipper looked up from the pile of sweaters he was searching through to glare at his twin as she scooped items out from under the couch.

“I only set it down for a second, I swear! Maybe it just rolled under something?” Rolling his eyes, Dipper crouched down to check under the rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room. The only part of the disorganized living room, that also functioned as Mabel’s magical work space, that was clean.

The reason why became clear when he was forced to scramble back on his hands and elbows, or risk losing his head to a clawed hoof sporting scrunchies. Getting to his feet, Dipper slowly walked backwards towards Mabel, who was still looking under the couch, without taking his eyes off the hoof.

“Uh, Mabel. Is there anything under the arm chair in the corner of the room?” 

“Yeah, bro-bro! I keep Waddles under there after he turned into a wendigo last week!”

"MABEL! WHY WOULD YOU KEEP A WENDIGO UNDER THE ARMCHAIR!?”

“It’s no big dealio! I feed him bacon every night before bed, and besides I wouldn’t make you leave behind Bill if he turned into a wendigo!” Mabel huffed from half-way under the couch, one of her feet kicking up to point accusingly at Dipper.

“…And how do you know about Waddles anyway?” The wendigo-pig had pulled its self out from under the armchair completely and its elongated face stared at Dipper with hungry eyes.

What used to be Waddles dived at Dipper, forcing him to scramble out of the way before he was caught. Thankfully Mabel had finally managed to wedge herself under the couch completely and Waddles didn’t show any interest in going after her. Unfortunately, Dipper was still his main target and the beast stalked circles around the panicked pre-teen.

Dipper was edging his way towards the door when he slipped on a mini crystal ball and crashed sideways into a display of wooden charms. Wendigo-Waddles saw his chance and Dipper squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for the claws to rip open his stomach.

A finger booped his nose softly and while Dipper shrieked there was loud laughter. Cracking open his eyes he saw Mabel standing next to a containment bubble that held a very grumpy looking wendigo-pig. 

“I found my bubble charm under the couch; and my deck of tarot cards!” 

Beaming at him, Mabel rolled the containment bubble back to the armchair and released it. Dipper was going to yell at her to get away, but he was left dumb-founded as she smacked Waddles on the snout.

“Waddles! You know better than to eat Dipper! Now say sorry to Dippingsauce!” The pig looking properly shamed looked over at Dipper and oinked in what Dipper assumed was his apologetic voice. Then to the pre-teens amazement he crawled back under the armchair.

“Mabel, that was amazing. How did you get him to listen to you?” 

“Silly, he’s still my Waddles!” Even if the whole situation with Waddles was…weird, Dipper was happy that the pig wasn’t going to eat his sister. However, he would have to warn everyone else away from the armchair from then on. 

“While you were under the couch, did you happen to find the amulet?” Mabel giggled nervously as she glanced under the couch and then back at Dipper.

“About that…”

“MABEL!”


	3. Yum Boiled Bacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I killed Waddles, sorry.

"Hello Bacon, we meet again." Waddles snorted cutely in his sleep as Bill ran a clawed hand over his side.

"You truly are the personification of gluttony, yes you are!" Still the pig slept on and Bill was struck with the absurdness of the pig's trust in him.

"I could easily turn you into a nice breakfast meal and feed you to Shooting Star. Heh, or hang your carcass outside on the totem pole! Ha, that would be a laugh to see Shooting Star's face!" Snorting softly the pig woke up and gazed up at Bill with black beady eyes.

"Your eyes sure are creepy and if you could talk to Shooting Star, I'm sure you would tell her all the nasty details!" Snorting in agreement the pig snuggled down in Bill's lap, oinking softly.

"Yeah, unavoidable. I'm still going to kill you, can't risk the talking animal charm in those stupid journals being found." The pig stiffened and Bill watched in delight as its situation became clear to Waddles.

The pig then started struggling and oinking widely in Bill's arms. The demon just tsked and dug his claws into the pigs flesh so he was unable to move away. He squealed and bit at Bill's arm, but he did not care.

He floated down the stairs of the empty Mystery Shack, the family having gone into town, and stopped in the kitchen. Waddles noticing his surroundings began struggling harder, but his struggles did nothing. With a flick of his demonic claws Waddles was silenced and a large pot flew out of the cabinet.

"Stop struggling Bacon, or I'll break your hooves off. What am I doing with the pot? Making a stew out of you!" Cackling, Bill watched the pot fill with water and set on the stove to boil.

"Since you won't be around much longer, I guess I could tell you my evil plot... Haha, just kidding! Into the pot you go! No need to struggle you'll just make yourself stringy!" Another cackle and Waddles was dumped into the pot of boiling water, the lid slammed down on top of him.

Taping down the sides Bill watched as the pot jiggled a little, and for fun he turned back on the noise. Loud pig screams came from the pot as he boiled alive.

"Well, it's been fun! But I've got some business to attend to~!" 

And an hour later when the family returned, there was a scream so loud it reached the mindscape and made the demon smile.


	4. Bill Could Not and Should Not Cook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Left with the choice between cooking or wait for Dipper, Bill tried cooking.

Bill stared at the box of macaroni and cheese sitting innocently on the counter. It was left there by Pine Tree before the adult had gone to work. Since he had been called in last minute and had not had enough time to cook lunch for Bill like he usually did. 

It was not that Bill had no idea how cooking worked; he had been watching mortals cook since their puny civilizations developed. It was more that he had never personally had to do it himself. Mostly because Pine Tree did not usually trust him enough not to hurt himself while doing so. 

Now that he was being forced to make the decision to cook or to wait for Pine Tree to get home, he was reluctant to actually try. His reluctancy had no effect on his stomach though, which growled mercilessly and demanded to be fed. 

“I can do this, I’m a being of pure energy with no weakness after all. If a train wreck like Pine Tree can cook, then I can manage it as well.” Talking reassuringly to himself, Bill followed the directions on the side of the box to fill a pot with water. 

Except, he could not find a pot, so he filled a pan instead.

Setting it on the stove top he flicked one of the knobs just as he had seen Pine Tree do. After a few seconds there was a burning smell and a few more seconds after that the mac and cheese box exploded into flame. 

Bill beat at the box and threw it under some running water to extinguish the rest of the flames. Then with a frown he put the pan full of water onto the heated surface where the box had been sitting.

Returning to the mac and cheese box in the sink, Bill was disappointed to find it completely burned up. Turning off the water he got a chair and checked the upper cabinets for another box. 

He did eventually find one in the back, though it was covered in dust and the packaging was beat up. Bill supposed it was better than nothing and hopped down from his perch. 

When he returned to the stove he found that the water had boiled over and quickly tried to remove the pan. 

“SWEET FUCKING GOATS!” He yelped as he burnt his fingers and dropped the pan; splashing boiling water all over the floor and his feet. Trying to hop away from the mess he slipped and landed in the chair he had used to get into the cabinets. 

Quickly he yanked his burnt feet into the chair and clutched onto the old box of macaroni. Once the pain wore off he sulkily ripped off the top of the box and began eating the uncooked macaroni. 

He did so because he had decided it was just as good raw; and not because he had no desire to hurt himself (or his pride) any further.

And that is where Dipper found Bill two hours later. The demon sitting in a chair in the kitchen surrounded by cold water and clutching his stomach in pain. 

Turning off the stove Dipper just thanked whoever was listening that Bill had not managed to burn the house down.


	5. Dancing Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is tasked with teaching Mabel to dance in time for her wedding. Sweet and fluffy.

Bill has been tasked with teaching Mabel to dance in time for her wedding. A short fluffy one-shot.

Bill winced in pain as his foot was once again stepped on. Usually he liked pain, but not like this. The same foot was being abused with how much Mabel was stepping on it. 

“Shooting Star, unless you relax this is not going to work.” 

“Bill, please don’t give up! I’m trying my hardest, but I’m so nervous about dancing tonight in front of everyone…” Why the bride and father had to dance at a wedding was beyond Bill; and he personally liked his weddings with a little more blood. However, Mabel was determined to learn to dance well enough so she wouldn’t step on Stan’s toes. 

“Why again couldn’t Pine Tree help you practice dancing?”

“Because he’s busy with his adventure stuffs!”

“And Stanford?”

“Well…I haven’t actually asked him yet if he’ll walk me down the isle…” If it had been any other human Bill would have barfed all over them like he was in the exorcist. But the sugary sweet sentiment was coming from Mabel and such a show of vulnerability was rare for the normally confident woman. 

It was then that the demon was hit was a brilliant idea; if he kept Mabel talking maybe she would be distracted enough not to step on his toes. With this is mind he resumed their dancing position and began, this time making sure Mabel was looking at him rather than her feet.

“Why are you asking him to do it anyway? Isn’t your father figure still among the living.” Mabel wrinkled her nose, but she did not look back down at her feet or step on his.

“He doesn’t like or approve of Pacifica. So he’s refusing to go to the wedding; he keeps insisting that I’m too good for her. Plus, I want it to be Grunckle Stan anyway…” Bill could see her father’s point of view on that at least, but he also believed that nothing short of an actual goddess was good enough for Mabel.

“When are you planning on asking Stanford anyhow?”

“Eventually… I’m just worried he’ll think it’s silly.” The way she chewed at her bottom lip nervously kept Bill from laughing, but just barely. Bill knew Stanford was a firm believer that Mabel had put the stars in the sky herself. The old man didn’t understand some of the things Mabel did, but he never mocked her for them.

“Sweetie, I’d never think you’re wedding was silly.” The gruff voice was filled with an uncharacteristic amount of emotion, and when Bill’s shoulder was tapped he departed from Mabel without a complaint.

Leaning against the wall he watched as Stanford took his place and danced with his grandniece. The two talking about the wedding, and when Stanford began to cry he didn’t even make the excuse that there was dust in his eye.


	6. Memories Like Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mystery Twins and their grunckle go to the beach.

Although Stan hadn’t been crazy about the whole taking a vacation from the shack thing, but in the end he had to admit that it was a good idea. The twins were having fun playing by the water and Stan wasn’t required to pay any money for them to enjoy themselves.

Later he would complain about the sand getting everywhere, but for the moment he let himself enjoy the warm sand sliding in between his toes. 

Laying beneath his umbrella Stan watched Mabel dunk her brother’s head underwater and smiled at the fond memories the sight brought up. Memories of when him and his own twin spent the summer days getting sun-burnt and splashing around in the water. 

They weren’t memories that were often dwelt upon; leaving a bad taste in his mouth for thirty years. However, today he didn’t feel quite as bitter about them, and he wondered if the sun was really doing him some good. After all they were good memories and they deserved to be treated that way, even if those days were gone.

“Ford, I know that look on your face. What’re you thinking about so hard?” 

“Just thinking about how it was us playing on the beach not too long ago.” He leaned forward and propped his chin on his hand as he watched the twins. Dipper had recovered from the dunking and was throwing handfuls of sand at Mabel.

“You mean when you kicked sand in my eye or when I almost drowned you?” 

“Naw, more like when you tried to eat sand.”

“It was for scientific purposes!”

“Lee, you just wanted to know how it tasted.”

“Terrible. If you’re wondering.” Laughing, Stan closed his eyes and indulged himself by digging his toes further into the sand. 

“Grunckle Stan, who’re you talking to?” Opening his eyes, Stan smiled down at his inquisitive grand niece.

“No one, Sweetie.”


	7. Just a Day of Relax-Oh Fuck It

It was Dipper’s day off at the Mystery Shack and he was enjoying the opportunity to just lay in his bed without anything pressing going on. Mabel had already gotten up earlier and left to do her own thing, so Dipper actually had the room all to himself.

It was a rare day where he didn’t even want to go on a Mystery hunt. Just lay in bed and think about nothing at all. 

Of course, not everything turns out as planned, and if you are Dipper things are even less likely to go your way.

“Help! Help!” There was high pitched screaming coming from right outside Dipper’s window. Normally he would jump out of bed right away to investigate it, but it was his day off and he really just wanted to relax. Sadly Dipper happened to know this person and he would never forgive himself if she actually got hurt.

Rolling out of bed, he groggily went and peered out the window. Sitting in one of the trees near the shack and hugging the trunk was Pacifica. Dipper would recognize her scream of panic and flamboyant style anywhere.

Weighing his options Dipper finally decided on helping her and kissed his day of realization good-bye. Getting dressed quickly, Dipper skipped the stairs at the bottom as he race outside. Making his way over to the tree, Dipper could hear Pacifica’s voice more clearly now.

“Oh thank god, Dipper! You’ve got to help me get out of this tree!”

“How did you even get up into the tree in the first place?”

“…That’s not the point.” Dipper’s curiosity reared its ugly head and suddenly Dipper was very interested in how Pacifica could have gotten into the tree.

“It kind of is the point. How did you get up there? Did you climb, did a monster throw you?”

“I climbed…”

“Wait, so just climb down.”

“I don’t know how! This is my first time ever climbing a tree!”

“So why did you climb it in the first place if you didn’t know how to get down?” Pacifica’s next answer was a mumble and far out of Dipper’s hearing range. Stepping closer to the tree he yelled up for her to speak clearer, but she only mumbled a little louder.

“Pacifica, I can’t hear a word your saying!”

“YOUR SISTER SAID I COULDN’T CLIMB A TREE, SO I PROVED HER WRONG! THERE, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?” Pacifica’s cheeks were dark red and she buried her face into the trunk of the tree she was clinging too. 

In Dipper’s defense he tried really hard not to laugh. Really he did, but it was too much. To think that Pacifica Northwest, richest kid in the town of Gravity Falls, had actually fallen for some baiting and climbed a tree out of pride.

“It’s not funny! Just get me down!”

“Oh it’s pretty funny alright! Where did Mabel go?”

“She said something about finding a ladder, but told me not to get my hopes up because she’s more likely to find a loaded gun? What does that even mean, Dipper!?” Dipper honestly had no idea what that meant, other than the fact it meant that Mabel would be a while.

“How about you try climbing down?”

“Are you crazy?! I’ll break my neck!”

“No, you won’t! If you climbed up the tree, then you can climb down too! Besides, I’ll be right here at the bottom to catch you, if you fall!”

“Really? You’ll catch me?”

“Yeah, no problem for a strong adventurer like me!” Or at least Dipper would try to catch her if she fell. His noodle arms weren’t exactly that reliable most of the time.

“Okay… But I swear if you let me drop, and I get hurt! You’ll be hearing my lawyers, got it!?” Dipper rolled his eyes, but nodded anyway.

Carefully Pacifica shimmed her way around the trunk until she could get a foothold to start climbing down. Holding tightly to the trunk she started her slow decent with closed eyes. Dipper waiting at the bottom with baited breath as she slowly inched her way down the tree. 

She was only two feet off the ground when one of her feet slipped. Scrambling against the tree in panic, she managed to lose her grip entirely and fell. Dipper was waiting at the bottom to catch her though, just as he had promised.

However, he made a more convenient landing pad than a catcher as the two of them hit the ground. Miraculously neither one of them was seriously hurt, but Dipper had a feeling his chest was going to bruise from where Pacifica had landed on him.

Now down from the tree, Pacifica was panting with exertion and clutching a hand to her chest. Dipper was worried that she was going to have a panic attack, but her breathing slowly calmed down and a grin worked its way to her face.

“That, that was riveting! If I hadn’t been about to die, that would have been so much fun!” Dipper was going to point out that there was no way she could have died from falling two feet, and that he was the one who got hurt in the end. But Pacifica’s grin was contagious and pretty soon the two of them were sitting there laughing like dorks.

That’s where Mabel found them an hour later, grappling hook in hand as she stared dumb-founded at Pacifica and Dipper sleeping in the grass beneath the tree. Pacifica with her head on Dipper’s chest, and her brother’s hat over his face. 

“Scrap-bookertunity…!” She whispered yelled as she whipped out a camera and took a picture of the two. Stashing her camera away she sat down on the grass next to them and pushed her grappling hook to the side.

A few hours later they were all woken up by Stan dumping cold water on them. And there were too many bug bites to count from the hours sleeping in the grass. But it was a relaxing day after all and they all enjoyed it while it had lasted.


	8. She Actually Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacifica wasn't expecting a drunk call from Mabel; and Mabel wasn't expecting Pacifica to actually come and pick her up.

“Dipper? Can’t find you anywhere, bro-bro! Where you been, I think I need to go home now…” Pacifica’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the slurred voice over the phone.

“Mabel, this isn’t Dipper, this is Pacifica. Are you drunk?”

“Pacifica! Why do you have Dipper’s phone?”

“I don’t have his phone, you called my number. Why are you drunk and calling Dipper?”

“We went out for our birthday to this really cool club! Buuuuut, Dipper was talking to the hot bartender and then, poof! No more Dipper or hot bartender! I want to goooo hoooome!” Pacifica nodded along with Mabel’s garbled story and traded out her slippers for high-tops in the process.

“Where are you, Mabel? I’m coming to get you.”

“Whaaaat? Naw! I’m f-fine! Just feeling a little woozy!”

“Mabel. Where are you?” There was a loud noise of the phone that sounded suspiciously like a raspberry before Mabel’s voice returned.

“Outside the club!” Pacifica sighed and rolled her eyes as she grabbed her keys hanging from the rack.

“Which club, Mabel?”

“Really sparkly one.” Five Layers then, which was lucky since it was only a short drive from Pacifica’s house to there.

“You stay right where you are, Mabel. I’m coming to get you.”

“Oookay~” At Mabel’s conformation Pacifica jammed her phone into her pocket and walked out to her car.

It only took five minutes for Pacifica to show up at the club. Immediately she spotted Mabel’s flashy neon dress leaning against the wall. Honking her horn, Mabel’s glitter covered figure flinched upright. Then she started walking to the car, unsteady in her heels as she made her way over.

Pacifica stepped out of her car to help Mabel into the passenger seat as soon as the other woman was near enough. Then she got back into the driver’s seat and started driving back to her place.

“You actually came….” Rolling her eyes, Pacifica glanced briefly at Mabel to see the sparkly woman staring at her in wonder.

“Of course I came, you goof. I wasn’t going to leave you alone, drunk at some club. Especially not on your birthday.”

“Oh… I was just surprised.”

“Well, don’t be. By the way when I see your brother again I’m going to give him a stern talking to about leaving his drunk sister alone.”

“Psssh, Dipper was waaaay more wasted than me.” Mabel flapped her hand wildly in dismissal, narrowly missing hitting Pacifica, and leaned against the glass.

Pacifica made a mental note to call Dipper, after she got Mabel taken care of, to see if he was alright.

The rest of the ride to Pacifica’s house was silent as Mabel fell asleep against the window. When they pulled into the drive-way Pacifica gave her a few more minutes of undisturbed sleep before she pulled Mabel inside.

Once Mabel was set up comfortably on the couch and asleep again. Pacifica took her phone and pressed at Dipper’s contact. Who answered the phone though was definitely not Dipper.

“Yellow, the attractive brunette you are trying to reach is currently unavailable!”

“Who is this? Where is Dipper?”

“Woah, slow down there lady! He’s just fine! Kid wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I dragged him back to my apartment to sleep it off. He’s out like a light!” Pacifica glared at the man over the receiver, even if he couldn’t see it, and squared her shoulders.

“I want photographic proof that Dipper is alive and unharmed.”

“Uh…Sure? Just give me a sec to work this phone.” Pacifica leaned against her kitchen counter, high-top tapping impatiently against the tile.

Finally a text came in and Pacifica almost fumbled her phone in her hurry to open it. The photo was of Dipper laying face first in a mattress, he looked unharmed and was also drooling in his sleep a bit. Pacifica closed out of the text with a sigh of relief and returned to the phone call.

“You better not do anything to him, or I swear you’ll wake up in a box at the bottom of the sea.”

“Yikes, are you always this protective over your friends…?”

“Yes.”

“Works for me then! Talk to you later toots, I’d stick around for more death threats, but I need to catch some zzz’s before the kid wakes me up with too many questions!” There was a quiet cackle over the phone before the unknown man hung up.

Dropping her phone back into her pocket, Pacifica reassured herself that Dipper was in fine hands. Then she went to check in on Mabel; the female Pines twin was fast asleep and curled tightly around one of the couch pillows. Pacifica couldn’t help the fond smile as she pet her drunk friend’s hair and then went up to bed.


	9. Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew demons were defeated with salt?

“Pine Tree. This isn’t funny and you’re trying my patience!” Bill shouted from inside the salt circle Dipper had ensnared him in.

“You’re right, Bill. This isn’t funny. It’s hilarious!” The demon glowed red at his words and for a second Dipper almost regretted them. However, with Bill being pocket sized and stuck inside a circle of seasoning, it was hard to be terrified.

“Let me out of here or else you’ll be having nightmares for weeks, kid!” Bill threatened and Dipper snorted in amusement.

“Nightmares? That’s the best you’ve got?” Bill faltered at that and briefly flickered yellow before going back to red.

“I could rip out your eyes and make you eat them!”

“Sounds nutritious.”

“I’LL SHOW YOU TRUE PAIN, KID!”

“So scary.”

“I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR PATHETIC HEART AND SHOW IT TO YOU IF YOU DO NOT RELEASE ME RIGHT NOW!”

“Yawn~!” Normally Dipper followed his mother’s advice on not poking an angry bear in the eye, but Bill’s reactions were just too funny.

“Got anything better, Bill?” He teased and the demon’s fire flared up briefly with annoyance.

Then the demon did something that made Dipper crack up entirely. He turned his back to Dipper and crossed his arms. If Bill had a mouth, Dipper was sure that he would be pouting.

“I’ll eat you as soon as I’m out of this….”

“I doubt that.”

“Tear you open like a hot pocket…”


	10. Smile Dip and Coffee Do Not Mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill won’t stop meowing and won’t get down from the totem pole. Dipper really hates mornings.

“DIPPER!” Mabel careened through the door of the kitchen, panting as she grabbed Dipper’s arm. Dipper checked his watch and marveled at how quickly something had gone wrong just an hour after he’d woken up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Bill’s on the totem pole!” Dipper failed to see a reason why this was such a big deal and it must have shown on his face because Mabel groaned and hit his shoulder.

“I mean, he’s on the totem pole and we can’t get him down!”

“So?”

“SO! HE WON’T STOP MEOWING DIPPER!” Okay, he had to admit that, that was not the answer he was expecting. Bill did some pretty weird things, but staying on top of the totem pole and meowing was not one of those things normally.

“Why don’t you just get him down?”

“I tried! But he kept hissing and last time his hands turned into these claw things! They cut my grappling hook and it’s a good thing Grenda was there to catch me!” Rubbing his face, Dipper resigned himself to having yet another weird day.

Following his sister out of the house, Dipper immediately heard the loud echoey meow. Looking up, sure enough there was Bill clinging to the top of the totem pole. The demon triangle seemed to notice him and started meowing louder, some of the trees shaking with the loud sound.

“Please tell me someone brought a ladder at least?”

“Uh…” Sighing again, Dipper approached the pole and walked around trying to figure out the best way to get up it. Meanwhile the constant meowing was starting to get on his nerves.

“Bill, shut up! I’m trying to think of a way to get you down!” At his yell, the meowing ceased completely and Dipper was able to find a foot-hold to begin climbing.

Once he had reached the top, Dipper had to keep a tight grip on the totem pole as the force of Bill burrowing into his chest almost knocked him off. Annoyed, Dipper pushed Bill back until he could see the triangle’s eye. Just as he had suspected, Bill’s pupil was blown wide as the demon stared at him and meowed in confusion.

“I thought we warded the Smile Dip…” Bill apparently had enough mind to know what Dipper was saying, because the demon started purring smugly.

“After I get you down, I’m having Mabel take some blackmail worthy pictures. That should teach you not to mix coffee and Smile Dip.” Scooping up the demon, Dipper looked down at the pole.

The safest way to get down would to use both hands and feet like he did before. However, then he would have to leave Bill at the top of the pole, and that wasn’t an option since the demon would just start meowing again.

Then an idea occurred to Dipper. It was a stupid idea and if he was wrong it could get him killed (Bill would be fine since he was a demon), but it was better than just staying up at the top of the totem pole until Bill regained his senses.

So, taking a deep breath and steadying himself. Dipper forced himself to let go of the totem pole and fall backwards.

“DIPPER!” Squeezing his eyes shut, Dipper didn’t really want to see the ground approaching if he was wrong and went splat.

What he landed on though was not the ground, and instead was the mattress of his bed. Opening his eyes, Dipper released a giggle of relief as he squeezed the triangle still purring in his arms.

They laid like that for a few seconds, Dipper trying to get his breathing back under control and he made a mental note to add to the journal that Bill teleported when under sudden stress. Then the door to the attic was flung open and Mabel tackled him in a blur.

“DIPPER!!!” He wasn’t all that surprised when Mabel punched him and he felt like his neck was going to snap off. Her left hook had been improving with lessons from Grunkle Stan.

“ARE YOU INSANE?! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!”

“But, I didn’t!”

“WHAT MADE YOU THINK FALLING WAS THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION!?”

“I had a theory that Bill would teleport us if he thought I was in danger.”

“YOU WERE IN DANGER!”

“Yeah, and it worked! I can’t wait to add this to the journal!”

“DIPPER YOU COULD HAVE DIED IF YOU HAD BEEN WRONG! DON’T YOU CARE AT ALL!?” Dipper’s excited mood was killed instantly as he saw the tears welling up in Mabel’s eyes. Not caring about the meow of distress from Bill, Dipper pulled his sister close and hugged her tightly.

“Mabel, I’m sorry, but I was eighty percent sure that my theory was correct!” There was a sob and then Mabel was burying her face into his shoulder.

“You could have d-died, Dipper!”

“I’m fine, Mabel. I’m sorry that I scared you, and I promise not to do anything that would purposely put me in danger again.” Dipper knew the last part was a lie, and by Mabel’s snort she did too.

Still his words seemed to have the desired effect as Mabel stopped crying. Pulling back from the hug, she still hit Dipper in the shoulder. It throbbed with how hard she hit him, but Dipper figured that he deserved it.

“So, we either need to get rid of the Smile Dip or find better warding for it.” The twins looked down at Bill who was purring now that Mabel had backed off. Dipper sighing in exasperation as he reached down to give the demon’s side a reassuring pet.


	11. Pretty Embarrassing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t Dipper’s fault her gym’s women’s locker room was under construction. However, it was her decision to shower in the men’s locker room, so having a guy walk in on her really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise.

Mabel had warned Dipper about going to the gym that morning before class. Said that she had a feeling something weird was going to happen, but Dipper hadn’t listened. She had a schedule she liked to keep and one of Mabel’s weird feelings wasn’t going to get her off of it.

Turns out Mabel had been correct when she said something weird was going to happen.

Dipper had an hour before class, just enough time to take a shower in the girl’s locker room and maybe get a quick coffee. So, she hoped off the treadmill and went about her cooling off routines. Then she grabbed her stuff and went to where the locker rooms were situated across from the gym.

To her horror, she found that the women’s locker room was under construction. Checking her watch in frustration, Dipper knew that there wasn’t enough time for her to double back home to take a shower before class.

Staring long and hard at the women’s locker room sign, as if will alone would make it available to her, Dipper finally turned her attention to the men’s locker room. Since it was still early in the morning, no one was around for her to worry about being walked in on.

Hardening her resolution, Dipper cautiously pushed open the door and looked around. The locker room as previously assumed was empty and Dipper slipped inside with once last glance around.

Pulling off her clothes, Dipper turned on the shower and waited for it to turn hot before stepping under the spray. Humming to herself, she had washed away the sweat and was starting to wash her hair when she heard the sound of something hitting the floor.

A bottle of body wash rolled to a stop in front of Dipper and curiously she picked it up. Turning it over in her hands, she studied the label for a few seconds before someone cleared their throat.

Head snapping up, Dipper felt the color rise in her cheeks as she noticed the yellow haired man standing before her. The guy was staring at her with his eyebrows drawn together, his face a complete mask of confusion. His pink cheeks told Dipper that he was just as embarrassed as her.

Mostly because he was also naked.

Nothing in the room moved, the very air stilling as neither took a breath. Then Dipper was lunging for her towel, soap still in her hair, and using it to cover herself hastily. The random yellow haired guy seemed to have finally gotten with the program and turned around quickly.

“What are you doing?!”

“What am I doing? Lady, you are aware this is the men’s locker room, right?” Dipper’s cheeks turned even more red as she secured the towel tighter around herself.

“Yeah, but the girl’s locker room is under construction. And I wanted to do was take a shower without being late to class… Plus, no one is supposed to be here this early in the morning…” Dipper mumbled most her words and chewed on her lips as she tried to look everywhere, but at Bill’s ass.

“I’m the new swimming instructor. Thought I’d get a feel of the place and try out the pool before afternoons first lesson. Is it policy to let gals into the men’s locker room if it’s not occupied?” The guy’s voice was teasing and it was starting to wear on Dipper’s nerves.

“Great to hear and welcome to the gym. Can you please step outside for a minute….?”

“Bill. And I need to get clean too! Plus, I’m already undressed!”

“Then you stay with your back turned and I’ll quickly wash up!”

“We’re grown adults, I think we can handle washing at the same time.”

“NO!” Dipper couldn’t see so much as feel that Bill was pouting. He did have a point that they were both adults, and Dipper was being pretty un-adult-like by freaking out about this. Mulling it over in her mind she blew out her breath and put her towel back in its proper place.

“Fine, but you’d better not look at me!”

“Scout’s honor!” Bill chirped, turning around with a full grin; though his cheeks were still pink.

Dipper made herself turn around and concentrate on washing the soap out of her hair. Near her she could hear the next shower start up and Bill singing some kind of upbeat song to himself.

This was by far one of the weirdest things that had happened to Dipper since joining this gym.

It wasn’t long before she had finished cleaning and she quickly pulled her clothes on. Stuffing her towel and shower supplies into her bag, Dipper was ready to leave when a still very naked Bill stopped her.

“Hey, you should come get a free swim lesson from me. So, you know I can apologize for walking in on you. Eveeeeen if we are in the men’s room.” Grinning, Bill held out his hand to shake and the position made Dipper think ‘deal with the devil’.

“Sure.” She shook Bill’s hand and the guy got out of her way. Rushing away from the locker room, Dipper felt her cheeks heating up again as she replayed the incident in her head. Wait till Mabel heard about this one.


	12. Bill is Awkward With Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill really is trying to get along with his girlfriend’s brother. It’s just not working so well.

It was near midnight when Mabel felt a nudge at her back. At first she tried to ignore it, but it didn’t go away and she forced herself to roll over.

Moaning in pain she rubbed at her eyes as the dull light coming off of Bill temporarily blinded her.

“What the glitter, Bill? Isn’t it too early for a wake-up call?” Instead of responding Bill lifted up Mabel’s blanket and buried himself under it. Dully she could feel her side tingle from where Bill was pressed up against her skin.

That’s when Mabel noticed that something was off, since Bill only ever willingly snuggled her when he was in distress. Slipping her arms back under the covers she grabbed the demon and pulled him closer. Bill went without a fight and kept silent as Mabel made herself more comfortable around him.

“What’s wrong? You’re all cuddly.” Mabel rolled her eyes when her only answer was a grunt.

“Did Dipper do something again?” The tiny fists clutching her night gown tightened and Mabel ran her hands over Bill’s bricks until they loosened.

“What did the cheese head do now?”

“He said he hates me and wants me gone…” Continuing to stroke Bill’s back, Mabel rested her chin near Bill’s tip and watched the hat move out of the way.

“So, what did you do?” There was a mumble as her response and she pinched one of the demon’s sides until he gave a better answer.

“Gave him a fresh rabbit’s foot. Sans the rest of the rabbit.” Mabel swallowed back her gag at the imagery of a bloody rabbit’s foot and pushed Bill back until she could see his eye.

“You know you aren’t winning any friends over by creeping them out.”

“I KNOW!” Flashing an angry red briefly, Mabel said nothing as she waited for Bill to turn back to his normal color.

“It is just so taxing how you humans have so many rules! Plus you don’t get angry when I give you presents…” She never did get angry, but she was used to Bill’s strange brand of affection. Dipper was not.

“How about tomorrow we make some of my world famous cookies as an apology?” Mabel had to shield her eyes with a yelp when Bill brightened.

“Gee, Shooting Star, you know just how to bribe away all the problems of the world!”

“Yeah, yeah I’m the best. Can I sleep now?”

“Okay…” Bill started to awkwardly float backwards, but was halted in his tracks by Mabel pulling him back under the covers.

“You can stay, you goof.”

“Oh.” Glowing pink, Bill buried himself back to where Mabel couldn’t see his eye.

Closing her eyes, Mabel relaxed against her pillows and listened to the shack’s squeaks as it settled. The glow from Bill had dimmed considerably and she was just about to fall off into dream land when he spoke again.

“I am very fond of you, Shooting Star.”

“I love you too, now sleep.”

The two had fallen asleep together when Dipper finally came into the room. Rolling his eyes he grudgingly set the rabbit’s foot next to his bed and turned in for the night. He had over reacted about the foot and he needed to apologize to Bill tomorrow if he was going to stay in his sister’s good graces.


	13. Sweaters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel and Bill are enjoying the sweaters. Dipper kind of wants to strangle them both.

“Shooting Star, how much longer do I have to stand like this?”

“Just a little longer Bill.”

“How much is a little longer?”

“Just long enough for me to tie off this part of the sweater, then you can move!”

“….Shooting Star.”

“No, Bill.”

“…Can I have some of those cookies after dinner?”

“Bill, you know those are prank cookies I laced with Smile Dip, right?”

“Yes! Which is why I want one, it was rude of you not to share with me in the first place.”

“Sure knock yourself out! First hold still so I can finish this sweater.”

“….Are you done?”

“Yes, you can prance free little corn chip! While, you’re at it go find Dipper and show him your sweater! Oooo, or better yet wait for me to get my camera, I want to add the exact moment he sees it to my scrapbook!”

“Whatever you say, Shooting Star. You’re the boss.”

“Dipper! Come up and see the new sweater I made for Bill!”

“Mabel, I told you to stop making sweaters for him. He’s our enemy.”

“Whatever, sourpuss. Just come and see it quickly!”

“Fine, I’m here. What is so special about-…. Mabel why does that say "Chip Without His Dip” on it?“

"Silly, Dippingsauce, I made a couple sweater for you and Bill!”

“Mabel, Bill and I aren’t a couple!”

“Aw, you’re hurting my feelings Pine Tree.”

“You are literally a flying corn chip most of the time! I doubt you even have feelings!”

“But Dipper! I made you a sweater too, see?”

“"Dip Without His Chip”. Mabel!“

"See, I knew he’d like it!”

“BILL!”


	14. The Evil Twin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel is not as keen on keeping her brother around.

Dipper’s first clue that his sister might be the evil twin is when they were seven and dead mice kept ending up in his socks. He was always too tired in the morning to check his socks so he always stuck them on without looking and squished blood all over his feet.

Whenever he complained about the dead mice though, his parents would laugh and tell him that the cat was giving him presents. He would try to point out that cats can’t stuff a dead mouse into a sock and then put it neatly back into the drawer. His parents weren’t having it though and grounded him from video games for making up nasty lies about his sister.

The next clue was when the family had gone on a trip to the beach when the twins were nine. Dipper was looking for shells near the shore and Mabel was building a sandcastle. Dipper hadn’t been watching where he was going and had trampled Mabel’s sand castle by accident.

She’d gotten all worked up and demanded that he apologize for destroying it, but when he tried to explain that it was an accident, she pushed him down. Dazed from the fall he tried to protest when Mabel dragged him further into the water, since it was common knowledge that Dipper couldn’t swim yet, but she ignored him.

He had only spent a few minutes gasping and choking on water before one of his parents had come to his rescue. When he had tried to explain what Mabel had done, his parents told him that he should be more careful and that he needed to stay away from the water since he couldn’t swim.

Mabel seemed all concerned when their parents brought him back to the beach towel. Dipper could tell that her smile was straining at the edges a little bit though.

This accident is what had prompted him to take swimming lessons. And to always make sure that he didn’t have any weaknesses exposed.

The next incident didn’t occur again until they were twelve and on the bus to Gravity Falls. Dipper had almost been left behind because someone had tied his shoelaces to the bus stop sign. Their parents were confused, but Dipper already knew who had done it.

When they got to Gravity Falls and were forced to share a room. Dipper was sure that he was going to wake up one night with Mabel’s hands wrapped around his wind pipe. She never did it though and he could at least count on that as a relief.

Still, he never let his guard down, and even when he found the journal and shared it with Mabel he didn’t trust her. Even if she had saved them from a thousand gnomes; Dipper chalked that up to self-interest.

Dipper was always careful though, playing the good brother and keeping his sister safe. While also making sure that any time he was in danger, it looked like they were both in danger. So, she would have no choice, but to save them both.

He had succeeded up until this point in time. They were at Mabel’s rock sock opera and he had just managed to persuade her to go get the journal from Bill. Now all he had to do was keep the play going until she defeated Bill.

The play was put the furthest from his mind though as he heard the voices above him. The audience was confused as to why the play had come to a sudden halt at the very end, but Dipper was more focused on Mabel above him talking to the demon.

“Come on, come on, there must be a way to get Dipper’s body back!”

“Oho, but why would you want to do that?”

“Bill Dipper! Bipper.”

“Shh! You wouldn’t want to ruin the show… Whoops!” Dipper could hear the gears holding up the giant cake squeak lightly.

“It’s slipping! How’s about you hand that book over?”

“…Fine. But you got to make a deal with me first!”

“Sure thing, Shooting Star. What do'ya want?”

“I want you to take my brother’s body far away from here and keep it!”

“That’s it? Nothing special to add?”

“I don’t care what you do with it, just make sure that he can’t come back and you can have the journal.”

“Sure thing, glitter pop!” No, no, no, no! Dipper couldn’t believe that this was happening! He had been so careful, but of course he would mess up now!

And there was nothing Dipper could do as Bill shook Mabel’s hand with a fist full of fire.

Nothing except steal the puppet that looked like him and quickly sneak out of the theater.

Somehow he was going to have to convince someone that Mabel was evil and figure out a way to get his body back. Somehow…


	15. I CAN SEE YOU THERE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill has a pet peeve about people setting off displays and leaving them on.

Bill could feel his eye start twitching as the young brunet looking at the Halloween decorations turned on the singing skeleton. The twitching only got worse when after pressing the button a few times, the brunet looked around before beating a hasty retreat down the isle.

Stomping over to the singing skeleton, Bill switched it off and was ready to stomp back to his reshelving when he heard another robot start to sing. Groaning he followed the noise and found the same brunet from before flipping the singing walrus over in his hands looking for an off switch.

Then just as he had done with the skeleton, the boy set the walrus down and disappeared into another isle. Bill muttered to himself that the kid shouldn’t be messing with the decorations if he didn’t know how to turn them off.

The kid apparently didn’t learn though because as soon as Bill turned the walrus off there was another digital voice singing. Bill had, had about just enough of this and he rounded the isle just in time to see the same kid trying to speed-walk away from the toy.

“HEY! YOU!” Bill’s shout throws the kid off balance and he crashes into a display of the singing skeletons. The whole display goes off and the brunet stares horrified at the singing contraptions.

Bill groans and stomps over to tell the kid off, but then the brunet leaps to his feet and takes off running. Bill has a moment of shock as the kid makes a run of the exit, and making a mid-second decision he starts running after the boy.

“ROBBIE COVER ME UNTIL I GET BACK!” Bill’s black haired co-worker groans and buries his face in his hands as first the kid and then Bill zooms past him.

“Bill! Just let it go, man! It’s not worth it!”

“IT’S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING, ROBBIE!” Bill shouts back over his shoulder as he leaves the shop. He sees the kid running away from the store and ducking into a shoe store.

Groaning Bill gives chase and pants as he enters the shoe store. Looking around he sees the brunet duck into an isle of boots and Bill calmly follows. Sneaking around the stacks, Bill waits until he has the kid cornered to approach him. The kid of course shrieks when he turns around and sees Bill behind him.

“WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!”

“BECAUSE YOU RAN AWAY!”

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” The kid argues and looks for a way out.

“Oh yeah!? Tell that to the run down batteries in my displays you little punk! If you don’t know how to turn it off, don’t turn it on in the first place!” The kid’s face morphs into a look of confusion as he stares at Bill.

“Wait, this is about the stupid skeleton displays?” Bill’s anger deflated with confusion as he stared the kid down.

“What the fuck else would it be about?” The kid looks away guilty and digs both of his hands into his pockets.

“Uh…nothing?” Bill’s eyes narrow as he grabs the kid’s shoulders and shakes him.

“I DON’T HAVE THE PATIENCE RIGHT NOW AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO PUNCH A CHILD!” The brunet looks dazed and then offended as he pushes Bill away.

“I’m not a child! I’m 19!”

“What? Really?” Bill snickers as the apparent adult glares up at him.

“Not everyone is freakishly tall and would you stop changing moods! You’re worse than my sister and you’re giving me whiplash!” The brunet complained as he rubbed his temples. Bill snickers a few more times before straightening up and setting his hands on his hips.

“So, what did you steal?”

“Uh…”

“You might as well fess up now because I’ll get the information out of you one way or another.”

Swallowing nervously the display disturber stuck his hands back into his pockets and pulled out several packages of bubble gum. Then he kept reaching back into his pockets and depositing more bubblegum into Bill’s hands. Bill watched amazed at the brunet pulled handful upon handful of gum out of his pockets.

He only stopped once his pockets were empty and Bill’s arms were overflowing with packages of bubblegum. Bill stared gobsmacked at the other man as he awkwardly turned his pockets inside out to show that they really were empty.

“Of all the rare things you could steal, you stole….58 packages of assorted bubblegum… Why?!”

“Ugh, I made a bet with my sister. She said that I was too chicken to go and steal something from your store, and I said I wasn’t. And I thought if I just came back with one package that she wouldn’t believe me and would think I bought it…”

“That is literally the dumbest reason to steal 58 packages of bubblegum, ever.”

“I would have returned them after I showed her!”

“Yeah, you’re such a hardened criminal, Bubblegum Thief.”

“My name’s Dipper, and you’re one to talk! You chased me down over setting off displays!”

“It pisses me off, okay!” The two glared at each other for a long time before Dipper broke away to stare at his shoes.

“I guess you have to arrest me now?”

“I think we can wave that cost on one condition.” Dipper at first looked hopeful and then suspicious as he sized Bill up like he was ready for a fight.

“What would that be…?”

“Do. NOT. Fucking. Touch. The. Displays. Again.”


	16. Lethargic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill’s not really feeling like himself, but Dipper understands that and tries his best to help.

Bill laid in bed with the covers over his head, knees tucked beneath his chin and fingers clutched in the blankets. He wasn’t sleeping, though he wasn’t really awake either. His body was awake, but his mind didn’t move at all to produce any worthwhile thoughts. It was like he was a man entranced by medusa and frozen in time by her stare.

He’d been in this position for a few days at least, though it was hard to say how long it had really been. Since he didn’t need to eat or do anything except sleep to sustain his body, he never needed to leave his room or check the time.

The room itself was disorderly with clothing weeks old laying out on the floor. Books lay open and scattered over a desk with old wrappers of half eaten snacks. That of which were attracting ants and other bugs.

Bill’s room never was very clean though unless Mabel came in to clean it. It was nothing Bill had ever cared about and now that Mabel had gone away to London a week prior, nothing had been moved since then.

Bill was beginning to actually doze off when he heard his bedroom door slide open. There was a sharp intake of breath and then a disgusted sound as someone moved further into the room. Whatever their business was, Bill didn’t have the energy to deal with them and wished they would go away soon. He didn’t feel like pretending to be human at the moment.

“Bill, you can’t leave your curtains closed all the time. You’re a demon, not a vampire.” Dipper’s voice seemed too loud against the constant silent backdrop of Bill’s room and he cringed from the sound of it.

Then there was feet shuffling over his carpet and containers being moved with exclamations of disgust. Finally the curtains screeched as they were forcefully pulled apart and sunlight flooded the room. Even from under his thick blanket the sunlight pierced Bill’s eyes and he was forced to bury his face in his pillow.

“Bill, if you don’t mind I’m going to clean up a little. Okay?” There was no response and Dipper left the room without another word.

Dipper breezed in and out of his room, sometimes making comments on Bill’s taste in authors. He always made sure to warn Bill before he did anything, such as spraying bug spray or vacuuming the carpet.

Finally the place seemed to be clean to Dipper’s satisfaction and he carefully approached the bed. Once he was sure of Bill’s limb placement he sat down next to the dream demon.

“There’s some mail for you downstairs if you want to see it. I’ll even carry you if you want, but it’s up to you.”

“I’m tired…” It was the first thing he had said in days and Bill’s voice croaked when he used it.

“Here, I’ll lay down with you for a nap and then we’ll go eat some lunch.” Bill didn’t protest when Dipper lifted the covers and slipped under them. He pulled Bill close until his face was buried in Dipper’s chest and he could clutch at his shirt.

“Better?”

“Hm.”


	17. Counters Are Not Great Hiding Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason Bill’s favorite would-be thief keeps coming back to the scene of the crime.

Bill wasn’t sure why Dipper insisted on coming back to a store he’d tried to steal 58 packages of bubblegum from, but it was pretty obvious Dipper was a weird guy. Though he did hold to his promise on not touching any of the displays.

“Do you think the aliens are ever disappointed in the human race?” Was the first thing Dipper said as he entered the shop. He made a beeline for the counter where Bill was working and pawed through the candy absently.

“If you try to steal any of that candy they will be.”

“Are you ever going to stop bringing that up?”

“Dipper, until I find a more ridiculous crime than stealing 58 packages of bubblegum, I’m never going to stop talking about it. In fact I mention it to everyone that comes through here.” Bill grinned at the horrified look Dipper gave him.

“Please tell me you’re joking…”

“No, and occasionally Robbie and I make jokes about it over breaks when one of us has some gum. It was one of those almost perfect crimes if you hadn’t messed with the displays so much.”

“And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you meddling-” Dipper’s sentence stuttered to a halt as he stared wide-eyed at the entrance. Bill peered around him and saw a well-dressed blonde enter with a bouncy brunette.

Before Bill could ask what was wrong, Dipper vaulted himself over the counter and hid in the space near Bill’s legs. Bill was about to protest that he couldn’t be back there when the two girls approached the counter.

“I need a bottle of crown royal.” The blonde said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. The brown-haired girl looked nervous and was elbowing her friend in the side insistently.

“I’ll need to see some ID.”

“Pacifica, can we just go…” Pacifica ignored her friend and dug into her wallet, but she didn’t produce an ID. Instead she laid two hundred dollars out on the counter.

“Will this be enough of an ID?”

“You’re a little light there, kid.” Bill raised an unimpressed eyebrow and Pacifica rolled her eyes as she set down another two hundred.

“That’ll be fifty dollars and would you like a bag?” Bill swiped the four hundred dollars off of the counter and shoved it into his pocket as Pacifica pulled out a fifty.

“B-but this is illegal Pacifica!”

“Not the worst crime, a guy tried to steal 58 packages of bubblegum.” The brunette’s worried face smoothed over in humor as she started giggling uncontrollably.

“Yes, I’d like a bag.” Pacifica rubbed the brunette’s back as Bill bagged up her purchase and watched them until the two women left the store.

Pushing back from the counter, Bill leaned back against the shelves and raised an eyebrow at Dipper. Who was looking even more confused than Bill at that moment.

“Did you just accept a bribe?”

“Yeah, and you want to tell me what’s up with you hiding?”

“That’s my ex, and my sister…”

“They dating?”

“Yeah…”

“Ouch. Still, get the fuck out from behind my counter.” Dipper crawled out from under the space and was lifting himself over the counter when the brunette re-entered the shop. Both Dipper and the girl didn’t move a muscle until the girl’s face broke into a ear-splitting grin.

“MABEL! NO!” Dipper struggled to get over the counter as Mabel turned around and took off.

“I’LL SEE YOU LATER BILL!” Bill watched Dipper charge out the shop after his sister. Once they were out of earshot he bent over the counter and laughed so hard he started coughing.

Dipper really was a weird guy, but at least he made Bill’s job more interesting.


	18. I Can't Think of Any Deer Puns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh deer me, it seems Dipper bucks at the idea of dead deer on his bed. Al-doe there are have been worse things (or so Bill says at least.) Mabel is doe-n with them both.

Mabel was in the living room when she heard the first crash upstairs. That crash was quickly followed by loud yelling and more smaller crashes. At first she thought about going up to see what was going on, but then everything quieted down. Plus, she was really comfy in her chair and the movie had just reached her favorite part.  


A few minutes later it started up again and this time there was an even bigger crash. Then a few seconds later something hit the ground outside and the yelling continued. It rose in volume until the whole house was filled with a bunch of nonsense as the idiots tried to yell over each other. 

Said idiots were Mabel’s twin brother, and their pet demon.

Finally the yelling got so obnoxiously loud that even when Mabel maxed out the volume she couldn’t hear the movie.

With a resigned sigh she shut off the movie and reluctantly left her comfy spot on the couch. She had to take on her big sister role or else the other two would kill each other. Or hurt her stuff; which was definitely not cool.

As she climbed the stairs she could finally make out some of what the boys were yelling.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LEFT A HALF-EATEN DEER ON MY BED!”

“AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW, PT! I WAS SAVING THAT FOR LATER!”

“HOW DID YOU EVEN EAT THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?! ACTUALLY IT DOESN’T MATTER NOW SINCE THE DEER IS GONE AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE!”

“THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

“THERE IS BLOOD ON MY PILLOW AND ALL OVER MY SHEETS! THIS IS PRETTY FAIR, YOU OBTUSE TRIANGLE! YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING!”

“WELL, AT LEAST I DON’T POLISH MY FINGERNAILS!” Mabel paused outside the attic door as silence reigned in the house for a few seconds. Then Dipper cut through the silence with an over-exaggerated angry whisper.

“You take that back!”

“FINGERNAILS! FINGERNAILS! FINGERNAILS!” Mabel resisted the urge to snort as Bill taunted Dipper with something so juvenile.

“You don’t even have fingernails!”

“I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM HEARING.”

“HOW CAN YOU HEAR IT? YOU DON’T HAVE EARS EITHER!“ There was an echoey gasp and Mabel decided that now was a good time to step in.

Of course, if the door hadn’t briefly gotten stuck on the rug Mabel would have been pulling a knife out of her skull. She didn’t know who had thrown it, but she was grateful they had terrible aim.

"What is going on in here and why does it have to be solved with violence???” Both occupants of the room stopped and slowly turned to her in a way that reminded Mabel of a horror movie.

“Okaaaaaay, creepy. Why are we throwing things?” Bill glowed briefly, but Dipper beat him to the punch.

“Bill left a bloody deer carcass on my bed! There’s blood all over the sheets!”

“I don’t think blood is the worst those sheets have seen, Pine Tree!” Dipper glowered at the triangle as Bill glowed brighter with delight.

“Oh deer. Bill, why are you leaving dead animals all over the house?”

“It was just Pine Tree’s bed… And I was just keeping it there for safe keeping to eat later.” 

“I don’t think bro-bro is very fawn-d of it though. …Also, you don’t have a mouth.” Bill turned red for a brief second before turning back to his natural shade and crossing his arms.

“I can though!” 

“That’s weird.”

“Want to see…?” Dipper made a disgusted face, but now Mabel was intrigued.

“Sure, I deer you!” 

The rest of the night for Dipper was spent bent over the toilet and Mabel spent her’s in sweater town. Bill enjoyed his deer meat, even if it was slightly crunchy from being thrown through a window.


	19. I'm Not So Sure it's That Difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans have complex dating rules, and for once Bill wants to respect them.

Dating humans was far too complex in Bill’s opinion. He had seen so many of his kind trip over themselves in attempts to woe their human counterparts, but Bill really hadn’t understood why. Humans were hard to figure out and had too many complex moral rules that they lived by as it was (throwing dating into the mix was just insane). So, Bill decided that they were simply not worth the effort of falling in love with.  


It was a strict rule that he lived by, and probably the only one. Until one human came along and tangled him up. 

Mabel Pines was a delightfully chaotic and creative creature; and by far one of the most interesting humans Bill had ever met. She was also extremely optimistic, a trait Bill normally found amusing and futile in humans, but gave Mabel a certain spark.

If there was one thing that could be put on Bill’s tombstone and displayed proudly, it was that he didn’t beat around the bush. After he finally accepted his own energy’s betrayal he went right to work on courting Mabel and making his intentions known. 

He left a deer heart, it was the easiest creature to catch, in her drawer with a note attached. _I Heart You._ It was very romantic and certainly beat out chocolate or flowers as a first present. 

At first sight at of the bloody mess in her drawer Mabel hadn’t been sure what to say; well she did scream, but that wasn’t really talking. After several minutes of deep cleansing breaths Mabel sat Bill down to talk about his feelings. 

Mabel had accepted his proposal of a temporary dating period surprisingly fast. She claimed it was because she had dated weirder than a floating corn chip (Bill to this day debates on whether to find that insulting or not). More surprising really since he had kick-started the apocalypse a while back.

The trial period had been over for quite some time and still the two stayed together. It was a change that the family hadn’t taken well, mostly Ford for obvious reasons, but after the first month everything settled down. Bill was content with that fact that he owned Shooting Star’s very being without even having to use any trickery to get it.

However, he was having another complication and his previous rule about humans being too complicated came back with a vengeance. 

Mabel was laid out on the couch, old re-runs of DuckTective still playing in the background as she slept. Bill had been staring at her for nearly the same amount of time as she had been asleep. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself into her sweater and drift off into her mindscape with her. 

Sadly, he had no clue how Mabel would actually take it if he did that. His Shooting Star was too unpredictable and too many variables could occur where he would be rejected. It wasn’t a chance he wanted to take. On the other hand that sweater look soft, and Mabel looked warm. 

“Bill… Why are you staring at me? Tha’s creepy.” Sometime in the middle of Bill’s internal debate, Mabel had woken up and rubbed at her eyes. Bill’s color dimmed as his one opportunity zoomed past him.

“Just thinking, Shooting Star.” This answer seemed to satisfy her as she switched positions to get more comfortable.

“You want to cuddle?” It was out of the blue and hearing it make Bill freeze up. Somehow Mabel seemed to understand what he wanted without him even bringing it up.

“…Yes.” Like said before Bill doesn’t beat around the bush and when Mabel opened her arms he immediately zoomed into them. The two of them got comfy on the couch and Bill tried not to glow too brightly so as to not wake up his precious Shooting Star.


	20. Never So Bad With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacifica isn’t too fond of hiking, but very fond of Dipper Pines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time2dancecpj said: If you're still taking one-shot ideas then maybe you could do some Dipifica?

Pacifica hated hiking. Not because it ruined all her shoes, gave her blisters, or because she always managed to catch poison ivy doing it. She hated it the most because of all the activities her boyfriend could pick to do, he preferred going out in the woods. Worst of all was that she couldn’t say no to him, and especially not when he looked so excited to show her things in the forest.

“How much longer?” She wasn’t whining, she really wasn’t, because she was a lady and ladies didn’t whine. 

“Just a little longer! This place is amazing, you’re going to love it!” Dipper called up ahead of her and turned around to grin at her. His mistake was trying to walk backwards while doing it, and predictably he tripped over a tree root. 

Dipper looked dazed with his hat tilted half-way off his head, and his big brown eyes staring up at her. It made the hiking almost worth it. Almost. 

“That’s what you get for dragging me out into the middle of no-where.” She scoffed, but it had no real burn behind it and she offered him a hand anyway. A hand which he rudely used to pull her down too. Right into the leaves and muck that covered the forest floor because it had recently rained.

“DIPPER! You’re going to get mud in my hair!” 

“Mud is good for your face, besides we’ve been walking for a while and we need to take a break.” Dipper flashed that wide grin at her and Pacifica rolled her eyes in response. 

“Fine, but I’m using your chest to keep the mud out of my hair.” Dipper didn’t protest when she laid her head on his chest. He just breathed out deeply and shoved his hands under his head like he was ready to take a nap.

They stayed like that, laid out in the shade as the birds resumed their songs from where they had left off. This hiking trip wasn’t turning out to be the worst one she had been on with Dipper, and her boyfriend had even showered. 

They couldn’t stay laid out like that forever though. No matter how comfortable Pacifica was (she could feel the moisture from the ground start to seep through her jeans). Dipper must have been dozing off because when she moved her head, he grunted and opened his eyes.

“Time to go?”

“The mud is ruining my jeans.” Dipper got up first and hauled Pacifica up until she was protesting to be put down. She stopped complaining when he kissed the tip of her nose and then set her back on her feet. He didn’t let go of her hand though and she didn’t try to move away. 

Dipper lead her by her hand through the trees as they carefully picked their way over the dense undergrowth. This was the deepest Pacifica had ever gone into the forest before and it felt like there were eyes on her from every direction.

“It’s just in this clearing up here.” He said it just before they broke the tree line and Pacifica had to squint for a few seconds at the sudden light. Then it felt like all the air had been stolen from her lungs.

In the middle of the clearing was an obelisk made of shifting sparkles. At first Pacifica thought she had imagined that the sparkles sending spatters of light around the clearing were moving, but as she watch the little lights they moved and shifted around each other. Curled around the base of the obelisk were light green vines tipped with blooming purple flowers.

“I found it while I was exploring this area a few months ago. I’ve been coming here when I needed to think.”

“So, why did you drag me out here to your nerd spot?”

“I thought it could become our ‘nerd’ spot.” Pacifica stared at Dipper and he awkwardly avoided eye contact. Out of habit Dipper swept his hat off his head and raked his fingers through his messy hair.

“You’re always complaining that we have no privacy at either of our places, and I thought this might be a good place to get away from everyone. I can bring out blankets and we could picnic or-” Pacifica cut off his babbling with a kiss and snatched his hat away.

“I like it, but next time you’re carrying me here.”

“As you wish, princess!” Pacifica squealed and hit Dipper in the face with his own hat as he literally swept her off her feet. 

He twirled them around until they were both breathless from laughing and collapsed on the ground. Pacifica concluded that she still hated hiking, but she would keep doing it for her nerd boyfriend.


	21. Tough Tree Pricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said: If you don't mind how about some dipmando! How about Dipper decorating the Christmas tree as the shack with the help from mermando (human form). And dipps goes to put the star on top but they are too short. and mermando, comes over, takes the star and places it on top and then gives person A a kiss on the head. Whether dip is annoyed or giddy is up to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dumb and missed a lot of this prompt :/

Decorating the tree for Christmas was supposed to be fun, not an exercise in Dipper’s patience. He had been excited at first when Mabel told him he was in charge of decorating the tree that year. That went away when Mabel also told him that he would be doing it alone since the rest of the family was going out to a movie. 

“My Little Pony isn’t looking like such a bad trade off right now….” He mumbled as he tried not to get the lights tangled again as he looped them around the tree. The same dumb tree that he had spent three hours looking for. 

You would think the Mystery Shack being close to a forest and all would make finding a tree easy. In fact it made it even more taxing as most of the trees were too big for the shack’s living room. Plus if he tried to get a small tree Mabel would have harassed him for the rest of the holidays about how he could have done better.

It was all worth it though because as soon as he finished putting on the ornaments (Star Wars and Trek themed), he would finally get a chance to put the star on top. An honor that Mabel had been keeping to herself for the past eight years since she had been the one decorating the tree before.

“There. Now the star.”

It was the moment Dipper had been waiting for. The moment that would make it all worth it; and as he reached up to put the star on top…he found himself just a few inches short. 

Dipper stared at his own extended arm with horror as he stretched and strained. He was still too short and the tip of the tree remained out of reach.

“No! No!” He gave up after a few more minutes of straining, and then he plopped himself on the floor. It wasn’t like he was giving up, he just had to take a few minutes to think of a solution. Since step-ladders were still banned from the shack it wasn’t like he could use one, and none of the chairs would hold his weight if he stood on them.

“¿Te perdiste? El cielo está muy lejos de aquí.” The deep voice wasn’t exactly a surprise to hear around the shack, but Dipper hadn’t been expecting it so close to his ear.

His squeak was totally manly and the little jump was a perfectly reasonable reaction. Even if it was just Mermando, and he knew the fish man wasn’t going to hurt him.

“What is wrong, my árbol? Why so jumpy?” 

“I didn’t hear you come in. Would it kill you to announce yourself?” 

“Would you like me to play guitar every time I enter a room?” 

“Actually, that wouldn’t be the worst idea.” Dipper mumbled, not exactly in the mood for teasing.

“What is wrong, árbol? Do not overthink the decorations, they look nice.” Mermando made himself comfy next to Dipper and opened his arms. He didn’t have to be patient long before Dipper leaned into him..

“It’s dumb.” 

“Disparates.”

“I’m not that far in Spanish.”

“It means I do not think anything that creases your brow is silly, árbol.” 

“…Icantreachthetopofthetree…” Mermando arched a bro and patted his boyfriend’s shoulder with encouragement.

“You can tell me, árbol. I will not laugh.” 

“I can’t reach the top of the tree. To put the star on it.” Mermando did a double take of the tree and did notice that it was missing its top piece.

“Would you like me to put it on for you?”

“No! …It was supposed to be the first year I’ve had a chance to do it myself. I’m just too short.” Dipper rubbed his fingers over the dips in the star and Mermando gave him another reassuring pat.

“Then I have another solution.”

“Hm?” Dipper almost fumbled the star and dropped it when Mermando hauled him up by his shoulders.

“What are you doing!?” He remained perfectly still while Mermando picked him up by his waist and lifted him up so that he was level with the top of the tree. 

Dipper didn’t get his answer, but it wasn’t like he needed one. Quickly he placed the star just right and Mermando lowered him slowly until his feet touched the floor.

“Better?” 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Am I deserving of a kiss, árbol?” 

“Sure. Wait, what?” Dipper had expected to be kissed just like that under the tree, but surprisingly Mermando only kissed the top of his head.

“Oh.”

“What is wrong?”

“I thought you were going to…” Mermando smiled and lifted Dipper up again. This time he carried Dipper towards the kitchen and away from the twinkling lights of the tree.

“We should put up some mistletoe then?”


	22. Plans Best Made By The Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some friends are so persistent in getting their best friends to hook up. Sometimes it works, and other times they bond over how dorky their friends are.

Mabel checked her phone for the third time in the last five minutes. Bill had been supposed to meet her twenty minutes ago, but the blond was running late. It was starting to look suspicious since he hadn’t been responding to any of her texts either.  


“Mabel? Wow, what a surprise! Who knew you would be here, certainly not me! Hey, Pacifica did you have any idea that Mabel would be here?” Mabel would recognize her brother’s over-dramatic acting voice anywhere. 

Turning around Mabel saw her brother and his best friend, Pacifica, standing behind her with a few shopping bags. It was times like these that Mabel counted her lucky stars that she was the one born with the good acting genes and her brother sucked. 

“Uh-oh, it looks like I lost my wallet back at the store! Hey, here’s a crazy thought, how about you go wait for me in the coffee shop and Mabel can keep you company!” If Dipper’s over-empathized actions weren’t enough to make an acting teacher cry, then the way his voice got higher when he lied would. 

Dipper didn’t give either of the girls anytime to call him out on it though. He just sped off in the direction that he had come from and left the two standing awkwardly. 

It wasn’t the first time this had happened. For the better part of two months Dipper and Bill had been trying to get them to hook up. Why the two seemed to have an obsession with her dating Pacifica was beyond Mabel. Especially when she was obviously the better matchmaker.

“So, I guess that means Bill isn’t coming today…” Mabel sighed and tucked away her phone, she had been so excited to hang with her bestie too. Instead she was stuck with the rich girl who seemed to have no redeeming qualities other than she was nice to Mabel’s brother.

“Sorry, I’m not sure why they keep doing this. Did you want to get some coffee? My treat to apologize for all the weird crap they keep doing.” Pacifica gestured to the coffee house and after a few seconds of internal debate Mabel agreed to it. Free coffee was free coffee, and her grunkle taught her never to turn down free things. (Her other grunkle taught her to never take free things from three armed tenticle monsters, but that was a different story.)

“Is it just me, or was Dipper’s acting even worse than the last time?”

“I think he had an ear piece with Bill talking to him last time they tried this.” Pacifica laughed at Mabel’s joke and the brunette could feel herself warming up to the blonde. Anyone who thought her jokes were funny definitely deserved a chance.

“Oh yeah, and I should have reminded him that he didn’t bring his wallet today because I offered to pay for everything.” Both of the girls laughed and conversed as they got their coffee.

“At least it’s not as bad as the time he put us on that skype call together.”

“Oh god that was the worst! It was just ‘boom, here’s my sister!’ I had no idea how I was supposed to react to that.”

“I know! You should have seen Bill yesterday, he tried to convince me to buy this dress because it was in your favorite color!”

“That’s awful!” Pacifica laughed into her cup of coffee and tried not to snort the foam on top.

“You remember the first time they tried to set us up though?”

“Didn’t Bill get stuck in the bathroom window when they were trying to make their escape?”

“Yes! And Dipper had to awkwardly go right past our table while trying not to make eye-contact with either of us!” 

“That was so ridiculous! Even more so when we had to go outside and help him get Bill unstuck!” Mabel covered her mouth while laughing and leaned against the table. Pacifica meanwhile had a tough time breathing as they continued to recount the experiences of their best friends trying to set them up.

~OwO~

“How’s it looking?” Dipper peered over the fake mall bush him and Bill were hiding in, trying to get a better look at the girls in the coffee shop.

“They sat down and are talking. Oh! They started laughing and they look like they’re having a good time!” Bill lowered the binoculars and handed them to Dipper.

“Wow, it actually worked. What do you think they’re talking about?”

“Probably about how terrible you are at lying and making excuses.” 

“Shut up!”


	23. Bad Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you really helping him or yourself? Bill asks himself that a lot, and I don’t think he likes the answer.

“Hey Dipper! How was your date with Cynthia? …Dipper?” Mabel looked up from the bowl of popcorn she had been engrossed in to see her brother looking dejected.

“What happened?” She placed her bowl aside and was about to get up when Dipper waved her off.

“I’ll talk to you about it later. I just need some time to myself to think…” Mabel felt her heart ache as she watched her twin ascend the stairs with heavy foot falls. She wanted to help him, but she knew there was nothing she could do except wait for him to come to her.

Resituating herself, she was about to go back to her movie when Bill fazed through the front door. The dream demon was not acting anything like his normal cocky self, his entire posture was slumped and he glowed a worried orange.

“Bill, what’s up?” 

“I really messed up, Shooting Star… I just couldn’t let him be manipulated like that… I didn’t think he would actually be hurt…” Bill nervously floated near the bottom of the stairs and glowed a more fierce orange.

“If you messed up then you should go talk to him and try to fix things!” Mabel gave the demon two thumbs up and her widest smile.

Finally Bill seemed to make up his mind and floated up the stairs. As soon as he was gone Mabel’s smile dropped and she hoped that she hadn’t made the wrong decision by encouraging him. The movie she was watching fell into the background and the popcorn tasted stale as her own thoughts consumed her .

~OwO~

Bill hesitated at the door to the attic before he went through it. As expected Dipper was curled up in his bed with a book on his lap. Though he was not really reading it. His eyes just stared blankly at the pages as he was lost in thought.

“Pine Tree?” The nickname broke Dipper out of his trance even if his eyes didn’t leave the page.

“I’m not sure why you’re still around, Bill. You already ruined my date and my relationship with an amazing girl. It’s not like you could make my life any worse right now short of actually killing me. In fact you might be putting me out of my misery if you did that instead, so it’s too merciful for you.” Bill could feel that Dipper meant every word, even if the kid still wouldn’t look up from his book.

Each of Dipper’s words felt like an invisible knife in the heart he knew he did not have. It hurt all the same and Bill felt like he was in agony along side his Pine Tree. He really didn’t know what to say next to make everything okay.

“Girls who hide that they are secretly soul sucking creatures from the people they are dating are not usually considered wonderful, Pine Tree. In fact I think I did you a favor by telling you the truth.” The human term for digging one’s own grave was beginning to apply to Bill as he struggled.

“It wasn’t your place to tell me that! You’re not my nanny, Bill!” Finally Dipper pried his eyes away from the page and instantly Bill wished he hadn’t. Raw anger and betrayal were the only things that greeted Bill and it was so intense that he had to look away.

“….I really liked her, and she really liked me…” The book fell to the side as Dipper pulled his knees up to his chest. And Bill just wanted to rub at Dipper’s face until all the sadness in his expression went away.

“What could you have possibly gained from this? Is this payback for ruining some of your plans? I thought we were friends, but you’re acting like you hate me.” That was the verbal nail in the coffin and all of Bill’s secrets came bleeding out of him.

“I don’t hate you, Pine Tree! I just saw how happy you were getting with her and it was driving me crazy! You used to say I was the most fascinating thing in your life and then that girl came in and you got bored with me!” Bill’s bricks itched something terrible and he clawed at them in agitation. 

“That’s it!? You weren’t getting all the attention anymore so you decided to ruin my one chance at a real relationship!?” Bill’s claws sank through his bricks and black ooze came out from the deep scratches. A little puddle was beginning to form on the floor, but still Bill didn’t pause in his scratching. 

“NO, IT’S BECAUSE I CAN’T STAND THE MISERY OF SPENDING ETERNITY PINING OVER YOU!” It was finally out there in the open and Bill’s whole body felt like it was on fire. He clawed at any piece of his body he could get at and the black ooze puddle grew.

“Are you serious!? I can’t believe you right now! Get out! Just leave me alone you stupid demon!” Finally Bill couldn’t take the itch anymore and fled the room. He didn’t stop there though and he went as far as he could. Only stopping when he hit the border in the forest that marked the end of Gravity Falls.

Then he screamed.


	24. Faking Your Death for 3 Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bottom line: Dip’s not dead, and Bill will have a lot of gloating to do when he stops being angry. Mabel is just flat done with her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been sitting on the back burner for so long...

“Who wouldn’t be angry?! You ate all of my cereal and faked your death for three years!”

“Grunkle Stan probably.” Dipper pointed with the spoonful of Overly Sensitive Owl cereal at his angry sister. Despite being furious at her apparently alive brother, Mabel had to admit that Grunkle Stan would find this whole situation funny.

With a defeated groan she sat down across from him at the table. With her fingers steepled she watched her brother finish off the last of three boxes of Overly Sensitive Owl. It was alarming to see how much he had grown, and how weirdly he hadn’t seemed to change at all.

At least being 24 she thought he would have some stubble. However, her brother’s body seemed determined to stay hairless.

“How did you do it?”

“What? Fake my death?”

“No, how did you hide from Bill?” Pausing on raising the bowl to his chin, Dipper lowered the bowl back to the table. It was the first time since she had walked down the stairs, to find him eating bowl after bowl of cereal, that he showed any emotion besides light amusement.

“Uh, he’s not here is he?”

“No, he’s talking to Grunkle Ford in the lab. Stop avoiding the question.” Looking around nervously he leaned over the table to whisper in her ear.

“When I out into the woods that day I fell through a slip in time. It took me a while, but I finally got back. While I was away I found a cool tattoo that hides me from demons. Thought it might come in handy if I came back and Bill was no longer on friendly terms.” Mabel rolled her eyes and pushed Dipper’s head back with a hand.

She took it back, three years away did nothing to change him.

“Wow, Dip. That silly little corn chip has been spending the last three years trying to look for you. He was the only one convinced you weren’t dead and has made it his personal mission to find you somehow. You dummy.” Getting up from the table, Dipper watched her as she stretched and shuffled across the floor to the stairs.

“Where are you going?”

“To wake Grunkle Stan up. Now go say hi to Bill, you goober, before he tries to rip apart the world or something.”


	25. Little, Little Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A de-aged brother equals Mabel swearing off having kids.

Mabel had always wanted to be a big sister ever since she was a kid. Now that she was having the opportunity she found that it was not as fun and quirky as television made it out to be.  


About a week ago while on a monster hunt Dipper had run into a witch. After accidentally insulting her, she had de-aged him and then shipped him back to the shack as a warning. 

Mabel supposed that everything would have been okay if the witch had made Dipper a little younger or a little older. The universe had something against her though and stuck her with the 12 year-old version of her twin. So, instead of the mature, collected, and funny twin she was used to. She now had the sweaty, awkward, and paranoid version that had way too many trust issues and questions.

Some were really easy to answer, like why she was older and everything in Gravity Falls was different. He even seemed to take it well when she had explained that there were about twenty years missing from his memory. 

Others were harder, especially explaining that both of their grunkles had passed away. Dipper seemed to take this bit of news the hardest, though he bounced back when Mabel gave him a journal to read over.

Then everything had gone to hell in a hand basket when Bill wandered through the door. The demon had been in the middle of a distracted greeting and messing with a severed head when he saw the de-aged Dipper.

That had led to an awkward explanation that Bill had failed at to take over the world and had come to live at the shack with them. Even more awkward was explaining that to make money on the side, Bill often went out and acted as a loan shark. Bill had declined on answering where he got the severed head, which was probably for the best since Dipper had been looking a little queezy anyway.

After all the explanations were out of the way Mabel thought everything would get easier. It just got harder though as Mabel was reminded of all the bad habits Dipper had gotten rid of; resurfaced. 

During the days Bill had to follow Dipper around just to keep him from getting himself into trouble and to occasionally fish him out of trouble. During the nights Mabel had to fight tooth and nail to actually get her brother to go to bed. 

Sometimes she needed Bill’s assistance in knocking him out so that he didn’t start eating his shirt from sleep deprivation.

It was all driving Mabel crazy and if anything would get her to swear off having children, this would.


End file.
